I ain't afraid to Die Homie, I am afraid of not living.
Mobb Deep "Conquer" (prod. by Havoc)
So most of you niggaz know me. Skilah714 aka Argue1 aka Big Mando From OC aka only True ass crook with no convictions. What and who the fuck do I care. At the Age of fifteen, my best friend and mentor was gunned down. At the Age of 16 i carried a 9mm to my sisters video store to rent movies. I ran with teh dopest, I stay wit them killas. So wtf am I afraid of....Nothing. Not even dancing with the devil. I can rot in a cell smiling as longs as my ppl come first.
But Big Mando is scared. Scarred of not living. Of not feeling. Of not seeing paris thru a boeing 747 window. I want it all now. I want the world. I want to see it all before I go. But lately. I feel hes coming for me. I smell him as i sleep. he wisper in my sleep. If he was flesh Id put a hollowpoint in his chest.
I feel like I am dying.
I have lost so much weight I look like a termenally patient.
Do I have a fear of cancer? Yes, I have a fear of cancer cause that bitch killed anthony. He was 8 yrs old.
Do I have a fear of aids? Yes, My father died of aids from sharing needles.
Am I afraid of Dying? NO..
Nothing would make me happier than to die? If I was done. But I aint done. I still have more to spit, more stories to give, and a second chance to live.
But I am a fighter. Always have been. I just need time to reflect, recollect, and retrospect. Move on and move forward, Life hard keep livinn, its not meant to start over. We gotta take each day as given